Month: May 2014

Certain Age Gaming for May 18th, 2014 “Borderline Consensual Sex”

We were gone last week so you’d think we’d have a lot of games to talk about but you’d be wrong! We did play some though, James started New Game+ in Dark Souls II because he hates himself and he also played Payday 2. Kody, on the other hand, played a bunch of mobile shit (like God of War HD) and also The Sun At Night and Black Ice. The news is mostly about how wrong Kody was when he said just 2 weeks ago that Microsoft wouldn’t pull the Kinect 2.0 out of Xbox One SKUs. It was a more innocent time.

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Certain Age Gaming for May 18th, 2014

CA Gaming final


Certain Age Gaming for May 5th, 2014 “Live from the Bathroom!”

This week Kody’s got himself a case of the deep sexy voice (and a deep sexy cough to go with it) so that means he monopolizes even more of the conversation than normal while talking about Atelier Totori Plus and Disco Zoo. James gets his when he tells us all the old shit he’s been playing like Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines, Singularity, and Knights of the Old Republic. The news holds announcements of Unreal Tournament in our future, Project Beast being a tease, and Spelunky being released literally everywhere.

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Certain Age Gaming for May 5th, 2014

CA Gaming final

Out There, A Choose Your Own Adventure Phone Game

Photo from the main website for the game

I’m finished with another semester of college, and you know what that means: Lots of casual game reviews! Let’s get to it.

You remember those choose-your-own-adventure books in the school library?  They were a lot of fun, lots of different short stories you could go through, starting over and discovering more and more of the overarching story.  Seeing how everything connected and trying to figure out the best outcome.  Out There is a lot like that, a lot a lot.  Now normally when I review phone games they’re free ones, this one costs five bucks.


Five whole dollars.  Pretty pricey, but this game is so, so worth it.  It’s choose your own adventure in space!  With ships and aliens and events.  It’s a whole lot of fun. The only down side being that if you lose, that’s it.  You can’t (metaphorically) flip back a few pages and take the other route.   That can be a tad frustrating, especially if you’ve nearly decoded the alien language or managed to take over a really, really cool alien ship.

Photo credit:

A really cool ship.


Nevertheless, I’ve spent many hours playing this game, it’s a load of fun and takes you back to those old days frantically flipping through books.  I’ve included links at the bottom of this post to download the game, I think it’s a game that has a lot of value built into it, and there’s no micro transactions.

  Five dollars and you get unlimited play, forever.

That’s more value and less frustration than you’ll get from a lot of phone games.  I’ve played for hours on end and still haven’t seen everything this game has to offer.


Heartily Recommended.

photo credit

Aliens! They all speak the same language. Clicking this photo will take you to a strategy guide.




Play Store Link

Website Link

Certain Age Gaming for April 27th, 2014 “Squeeze What You Can Out of That Melon”

Last week’s lost Podcast was GREAT! Too bad it’s lost to the ether and you have to settle for this one. Which was great TOO! James played some Kingdoms of Amalur the Reckoning and wished out loud that the developer behind it wasn’t so poorly managed. Kody played some more Dark Souls II and Trials Fusion! There’s news too as Major Nelson himself digs through the New Mexico desert in search of ET (the Atari game).

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Certain Age Gaming for April 27th 2014

CA Gaming final

Children of the Nile, Bow Down Before The Pharaoh!


Enjoying a festival in my honor, while I look on, like a benevolent god-king

November 2004, that’s when Children of the Nile was published. I can’t believe it took me so long to find this game. It’s seriously addicting. If you enjoy building cities, and constructing giant monuments to your might (!) this is the game for you.  I for one, seriously love city building games and this is one of the most fun I’ve ever played.  Roads and decoration are free in this game so you can make your city pretty and well planned without having to devote resources.  The interfaces are clear and easy to use, once you get used to them.  The tutorials are really in depth and the controls and concepts are easy to pick up.

Additionally I have some tips to make your empire grow vast and powerful:


Working for the glory of Pharaoh

Enhancing my prestige, growing my crops.

That’s not to say that it’s easy to be a mighty and powerful God-King, there’s always someone whining about not having enough something…usually worship. Egypt had waaaaaaaay too many Gods. Or there’s a malaria outbreak, or bubonic plague. Those issues can be easily handled by using your first graduate to become a priest. This is crucial, actually, because only priests can educate other elite/nobles and make them into other graduates who can become overseers and scribes, and priests…etc.  The instinct is to make your first graduate a scribe, so those shifty nobles stop dodging their taxes.  Don’t. That way lies madness, and seriously sick, unhappy people.  Let the nobles get away with murder for a while and get your people some healthcare and education.  Keep in mind that you can build shrines and then switch which god is being worshiped without having to recarve (unlike a temple or cult temple) the statue.  That way, you can only build two or three shrines and switch to Osiris or Hathor or whatever your people want for that particular season or need. 

Also servants, they’re just as important, all your elite classes will hire them to shop, and luxury goods sellers will use them to gather materials.  Servants helped make  life smoother in a time before automobiles and quick transport.

Lastily, don’t worry about making sure there are no complaints ever, it’s a tall feat that’s difficult to achieve, just make sure that any one household doesn’t have too many complaints.


It’s a cheap game on steam right now, under ten bucks, and I’m sure at some point it’ll be in a bundle.  Give it a shot, it’s a fun game.

Known Issue:
Even though Children of the Nile is super old, it still crashes for some people, if you’re having problems with it crashing, set your shadows to off and your fog lower in the options menu.  Kinda a pain in the butt, but if you’ve picked it up for a couple bucks, it’s no big deal.  If after you’ve done this it’s still crashing for you, leave me a comment and I’ll give you another solution or two.


Whining Jerks

Never happy, I tell you what, like it’s hard to be a government paid priest


More servants solved this priest’s issues.  Servants and priests, they make the world go round (also: fat bottomed girls).